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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in HJ's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 4th, 2013
9:53 am
Horoscope
AN ACCURATE HOROSCOPE FOR THE WHOLE YEAR 2013! THIS IS SO DEAD ON TO ME IT'S SCARY, I USUALLY DON'T DO CHAIN MESSAGES, BUT HAD TO THIS TIME. This is the real... deal. Try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning, and it only gets worse from there. ARIES - The Aggressive (March 21 to April 19) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny... Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an Aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not share this post TAURUS - The Tramp (April 20 to May 20) Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self-centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not share this post. GEMINI - The Twin (May 21 to June 20) Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very good at confusing people. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosy. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not share this post. CANCER - The Beauty (June 21 to July 22) MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's love is one of a kind... Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative person, most are artists and insane, respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An ultimate freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a fighter, but will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not share this post. LEO - The Lion (July 23 to August 22) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post VIRGO - The One that Waits (August 23 to September 22) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not share this post. LIBRA - The Lame One (September 23 to October 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic. 9 years of bad luck if you do not share this post. SCORPIO - The Addict (October 23 to November 21) EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad Luck if you do not share this post. SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One (November 22 to December 21) Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not share this post. CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover (December 22 to January 19) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy, but when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs in sports, especially Gemini's. Likes to cook but would rather go out To eat at good restaurants. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not share this post. AQUARIUS - Does It in the Water (January 20 to February 18) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they're not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a fighter, but will knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not share this post.


PISCES - The Partner for Life (February 19 to March 20) Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to others but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be
Friday, April 18th, 2008
6:29 pm
"True" Friendship None of that Sissy Crap
"True" Friendship

None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against The sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.


5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.


6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.


7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well Again. I don't want whatever you have.


8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.


9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".



Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth.


Send this to 10 of your closest friends, Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Current Mood: tickled pink!
4:09 pm
Zodiac
VIRGO - The One that Waits
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only.


SCORPIO - The Addict
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GRE AT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.


LIBRA - The Lame One
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying...


ARIES - The Liar
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny.. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud.


AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extr emely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.


GEMINI - Irresistible
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where.... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.


LEO - The Lion
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Greatkisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.


CANCER - The Cutie
Cancer (June 21 - Jul 22)
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.


PISCES - The Partner for Life
Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.


CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.


TAURUS - The Tramp
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with.
Are the most attractive people on earth!


SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give.. They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.
Thursday, February 14th, 2008
5:05 pm
The Banana Test
There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals.


King Kong, an Ape, an Orangutan and a Monkey pass by.




They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.


Who do you guess will win?


Your answer will reflect your personality.
Think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds



Got your answer?


Now scroll down to see the analysis.



If your answer is:


Orangutan = your dull & normal


Ape = you're a moron


Monkey = worse, you're an idiot


King Kong = your hopelessly stupid



……


Why?????




…….




A Coconut tree doesn't have bananas !


Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
Take some time off and relax !

Current Mood: tickled pink!
4:52 pm
Zodiac meanings
Once you have opened this e-mail, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there.

VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic . < I>
7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Intense One
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Pro crasti nators. Very gullible.
9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

ARIES - The Daredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellio us. Ve ry stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
11 years of bad luck if you do not forward.


GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, But is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.
5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Boss
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over eve rythin g. Bossy. Like e to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.
13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Protector
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

PISCES - The Dreamer
Generous, kin d, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic tic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
8 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly at times. H old grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.
20 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The Enduring One
Charming but agg ressiv e. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocri tical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
14 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

~Send away!!~ ready ........ set............ GO!
1-3 people= 1 minute of luck
4-7 people= 1 hour of luck
8-12 people = 1 day of luck
13-17 people = 1 week of luck
18-22 people = 1 month of luck
23-27 people = 3 months of luck
28-32 people = 7 months of luck
33-37 people = 1 year of luck
38 and more = a very lucky life!
4:24 pm
NINE WEEKS! wow! i knew it'd been a while, but...nine weeks!

a lot has happened.

i hung out with Alex, moved in with his neighbor Rick; Dawn got transferred to a different store.
it seems like there's more than that, but there's 2 Really Big and EXCITING things, so...
Acapulco opened. Lily and i just had a late lunch there. De-licious!! as always.
Monday, December 10th, 2007
5:41 pm
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
3:54 pm
RECTUM STRETCHER
RECTUM STRETCHER

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $95.00 Court Costs. $45.00 The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS
3:41 pm
Tibetan Personality Test
This is a unique personality test. There are only 4 questions but the result is very interesting. Click on this link:
http://memoriter.net/flash/test.html


i'm not at all sure i agree with the answers, but hey.
3:13 pm
Cleaning This Gun (Come On In Boy) by Rodney Atkins
The declaration of independence
think i can tell you that first sentence
but then i’m lost
i can’t begin to count the theories
i had pounded in my head that i forgot
i don’t remember all that spanish
or the gettysburg address
but there is one speech from high school
i’ll never forgot

chorus:

come on in boy, sit on down
and tell me ‘bout yourself
so you like my daughter, do you now
yeah we think she’s something else
she’s her daddy’s girl and her mama’s world
she deserves respect, that’s what she’ll get, ain’t it son
now y’all run along and have some fun
i’ll see you when you get back
bet i’ll be up all night
still cleaning this gun

well now that i’m a father
i’m scared to death one day my daughter’s gonna find
that teenage boy i used to be
who seems to have just one thing on his mind
she’s growing up so fast it won’t be long
‘fore i’ll have to put the fear of god
into some kid at the door

(repeat chorus)

it’s all for show, ain’t nobody gonna get hurt
it’s just a daddy thing, hey believe me man, it works

(repeat chorus)

Current Mood: amused
3:05 pm
"Stay" by Sugarland
I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying

And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying

What so I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bare
To love a man you have to share

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah
Friday, September 14th, 2007
4:30 pm
Where do Latex Gloves come from?
A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on His gloves. "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked. "No, I don't" she replied.

Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in Their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working.

Current Mood: amused
4:21 pm
The Purina Diet
i just got this e-mail...it's GREAT!



I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog Lola and was
in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........Duh!



I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was
starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because
I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.



Her eyes about bugged out of her head.



I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying
it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it
works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.



I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.



Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
was that why I ended up in the hospital.



I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.



I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Current Mood: amused
3:18 pm
FREAKING MUSIC!
The other day...actually most the week...i keep hearing all these songs that make me think of John.
...how pathetic is it that just typing his name makes me...
never mind.
so, this one day - might have been Wed - EVERY song i heard, from when i woke up, got ready for work (shower, dressed, teeth brushed...), went to work, worked, came home, organized mom's pantry, (turned off the radio out of desperation...) went to dinner...ALL FREAKING DAY! EVERY FREAKING! SONG!!! just...fit.
tuesday, i cried for the first time in almost 2 weeks...after >4 weeks of crying almost every day... i'm so sick of this! it shouldn't be so hard!!!!!!!!
i don't even know how to express all my "ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH" nothing works!
AND i'm getting on my nerves, rather a lot, with all the obsessing.

i'm pathetic. that's the moral.

Current Mood: stressed
3:05 pm
i haven't been online in...forever...again.
i've been avoiding phone conversations for >a week. there's only one person i want to talk to...and that pisses me off so i'm pretty much avoiding my phone as much as possible.
JB, Tis: i love you guys! please don't hate me!
i hate this FREAKING obsession! it's obnoxious, unpointy, depressing and pretty much annoying! any other adjectives/synonyms for BAD would probably fit!
that's my story/rant. i hope you enjoyed it.

Current Mood: pissy
Friday, July 27th, 2007
3:09 pm
Sex, food and boys...
i just had a conversation with my grandmother about sex.
...apparently, my grandfather enjoyed it more than she did...yeah. i'm traumatized for life.

plus side, before that my mom took me to lunch at TB in 2 paws- that place is cool!

before that, i talked to John: i'm going to see him in less than a week!!!!!

Current Mood: ditzy
Thursday, July 12th, 2007
8:16 pm
underwear is important
Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-mart, only to have it break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who was standing idly by. The MECHANIC, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

Current Mood: amused
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
2:49 pm
Random-ness
I miss Buffy.

in 2 weeks i'm going to have Nothing to look forward to.

...i need a life!

Current Mood: depressed
Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
10:49 am
Good Advice
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
10:36 am
To God; From Dog
TO: GOD

FROM: THE DOG


Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?



Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

12.. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question...


> Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
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